What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 08:46
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My family never makes their pension either.
Why won't Canada build their own fighter jet?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Why did my crush like me for only two days in a row?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Is crossdressing being a transvestite?
I was seconnd youngest,
She married twice! .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I think the readers, may guess!
She loved him until the end.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
How do I deal with autistic burnout/meltdown/shutdown when cooking?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I was scared of men, in general
How do you get started in bestiality with a dog as a male?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
This is soul school!.
What are 10 interesting facts about you?
Who then, do I blame.?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
We white women don't like white men. Do you have any issue with that?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Would you raise your children like your parents raised you?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was 9 years of age.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
What do you typically do while on meth?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Would you let your partner cheat on you every now and again?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I don,t even have a pension.
Put me off passion for life!!
It was going to be , some day.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
So, i spoilt her more .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Im still living with it.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Would this be the day?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But ive been too sick for many years..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
One cannot live in the past .
I was very sick at this time too.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
So whats the point in blame.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But, we were locked up after school.
All the time i was locked up.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
We all went to grammer schools
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Comes on , in middle age.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I write beautiful poetry .
I waited trembling.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We were not on the streets..
What did i know ?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I have no regrets .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I will be 64.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Ive learnt so much.
She wouldn,t have been !
He resisted the act ,that day.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
When she asked me how she looked .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My life is so biszare .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She found it foreign!.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I couldn’t, believe it.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And i lived it daily.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Why did i forgive my father ?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
(And it was in our own minds.)
She was in good health!
But it wasn’t much.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I said to her
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He knew the spot.
Was to survive, this bastard.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I never cut or harmed myself..